Dear Katniss
by LokiThisIsMadness
Summary: Written for SkyeBird128's writing contest. Hope you like it, dear.


_Dear Katniss,_

_I know that you don't want to read this. Last time we saw each other, I tried to kill you. I know that you're here in Thirteen somewhere, telling yourself that we both deserve this, at least. And thanking you for reading this is the least I can do._

_Words can't say how sorry I am. If I really wanted you to know everything, I'd be looking for you instead of writing this. I have a weakness foe beautiful things, and seeing you would distract me too much. Anyways, I've written this to you in hopes that you'll see Gale as your new future._

_The first thing that I want to say is that I don't think you should._

_The second thing that I want to say is that I love you. I always did, since I saw you in that first day of school. You already know that._

_People say that I'm a monster now. That Snow hijacked my memories to make me think that I don't love you. They did horrible things to me, Katniss. The stuff from our nightmares._

_The Hunger Games destroyed a boy who only wanted the girl he loves to him back. Did you ever wonder how things would have been if Prim's name wasn't called in the reaping?_

_It's funny, though, because I was planning on talking to you the first time that day. I would offer you the cookies for Prim, you would say thank you and hopefully we could become friends, or something more later. Having my name called in that reaping destroyed me, Katniss, but it also gave me something I could never dream of having. You._

_There were so many times when I just wanted to give up, to get way. Snow told me you hated me, that you tried to kill me in the first Games. Then he showed me a video where you and Gale were kissing and being happy together._

_Real or not real; you told me that Gale had always loved you?_

_Real or not real; you love him too?_

_When I saw you after the Quarter Quell, i was confused. They told me that you'd be angry and disgusted. And then you towards me and you looked happy and releived and for a second I wanted to be happy too. I wanted to be like Annie and Finnick, because Katniss, they belong together. They make each other happy. They complete each other. I wanted that too._

_I should have now. I should have trusted my own memories. I should have remembered that kiss in the beach and in the cave and all those times you saved my life. _

_We saved each other, real or not real?_

_Because you are selfish. We both are. You know we are. So many people have told that I shouldn't like or talk to you; let alone love you. I nearly died in the first arena, I died in the second. We killed people Katniss. Snow made the pleasure of showing me that. That Career I killed, Brutus, had family back in Two. A daughter, parents and someone who loved him. Turns out we weren't the real star-crossed lovers in the Quarter Quell. _

_I heard her Katniss, will we were in the Capitol, Enobaria. Turns out she wasn't so bad as we thought. She got away from the arena but she should have died in there. All of us should. Life without having the person you love by your side is too hard. I should have never killed anyone in there, I should have tried to talk them into not killing. _

_But I don't matter. Not now. This is about you getting better. Dr Aurelius says you need help, Katniss. You do. You think you don't, but you do. I know you're hurting inside and I thought for some absurd reason that you'd be safer staying with me._

_You are not._

_I'm unstable, I'm a mess you don't need to be around. I wish I had just spoken to you after the first games, but I was angry._

_Angry with you._

_I suppose the reason for this letter was that I could get some closure. I'll stop waiting for the sound of you walking up to my front door. Or the sound of you breathing in the darl._

_Tell Gale I said hi. Talk to your mother. She loves you. Have fun with Prim, because you have been away from her for so long and everything you did was for her. Go chop trees with Jo, and don't hold back on anything ever. We'll win this war, Kat. You'll see._

_If I don't hear from you or ever see you again, that's okay. It would probably be better, actually._

_If you're still reading this, don't keep this letter. Burn it. Give it to Buttercup for him to eat it. Don't let anything bring you down. Please don't._

_I love you._

_Don't wince at the word love, please. Because I love you like I love sunsets and bread. I can never get enough of sunsets. They're continuosly changing, a beautiful display of colour and emotion, but at their core, they're just the start of a new day. Just like you. You're my sunset and my sunrise. I'm sure I'll spend many an evening looking up at the sunset or sunrise and wondering if you're looking at it too._

_Real or not real?_

_It was always real for me. Thank you for that. Guess I'll see you around, Katniss._

_I love you._

_Always._

_Peeta Mellark._


End file.
